Loss and Healing: Talking About Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

Fatima saw the pregnancy announcement of her friend on Instagram, the caption read:

“Our little miracle is on the way!”

She moved through the pictures on the screen, smiling while she type:

“Congratulations! I am so happy for you.”

She meant it.

After sending the message, Fatima put down her phone and cried.

A few months earlier, Fatima had lost her pregnancy. Seeing someone else’s dream coming true reminded her of the dream she had lost.

She felt truly happy for her friend, she also felt heartbroken for herself.

Two feelings can exist at the same time, right?

One of the things people do not talk about enough is how complicated emotions can become after miscarriage or pregnancy loss. You can genuinely celebrate someone else’s pregnancy and still feel sadness about your own loss. You can be grateful for what you have and still grieve what you lost. You can be hopeful about the future and still have difficult days. These emotions do not cancel one another out.

They simply remind us that the heart is capable of carrying more than one feeling at a time.

There Is No Perfect Way to Grieve

Some people want to talk about their loss while others find it difficult to say the words aloud.

Healing is not a straight line. One day, you may feel okay.

A date, a photograph, a baby shower, or a pregnancy announcement may bring the emotions back.

After pregnancy loss, people say things like:

• “You can try again.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”
• “It wasn’t meant to be.”
• “Maybe something was wrong with the baby.”
• “Don’t worry, you will have another one.”

Although these statements are intended to comfort, they can sometimes make a grieving person feel as though they are expected to move on quickly.

The most compassionate words are also the simplest:

• “I am so sorry.”
• “I’m here for you.”
• “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but you don’t have to go through this alone.”

To the Woman Carrying a Loss

If you have experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, your grief is valid.

You do not have to minimise it because someone else has experienced something different.

You do not have to pretend you are okay before you are ready.

You are allowed to take your time.

You are allowed to cry.

You are allowed to have moments of joy again.

You are allowed to hope and you are definitely allowed to remember.

So, when you see someone else’s pregnancy announcement and your heart feels both happiness and pain, be gentle with yourself.